Why we is talk so bad? Nothing kills me more than people who don’t speak properly but always want to act cute and say words that make absolutely no sense.
They pronounce every syllable in that word and then look at you like you’re dumb when you’re looking at them like they’re dumb.
I’ve sat in hundreds of meetings throughout my career. If you’ve ever sat in a meeting that you didn’t want to attend, you know how boring it can get. So, to relieve the tedium, I listen out for grammatical errors.
One thing I have concluded is that Bahamians like to talk about oceans.
During a meeting, a former colleague told our boss that she wasn’t able to do her job properly because he wasn’t pacific about what he wanted. My boss’ eyes immediately locked with mine because he knows how I go. He then stressed that he had been very specific about what he wanted. To which she responded, “well, maybe you need to be more pacific about the pacifics.” After that meeting, he and I shared the biggest joke.
I get irritated when I see grammatical errors and have no qualms correcting people. I don’t do it because I want to show people up. I do it because I want them to speak better and not embarrass themselves in public.
Fire Distinguisher. A relative of mine called me to find out if I were going to AID on the weekend because she wanted a fire distinguisher. I wasn’t sure if she wanted a fire extinguisher or a device that would help her distinguish one fire from another. Every time I corrected her, she defaulted to her original word. You can’t save ‘em all.
But, You’re A School. During one of my early morning commutes through an inner-city area, I got stuck in traffic. With nothing to do and not in the mood to listen to the radio, I started looking around. That’s when I spotted a school’s billboard that read, “We’ll help you master procrastination.” I had to read it again. I don’t know that anyone is really interested in mastering procrastination. Conquering it, yes. But, mastering . . . I don’t know. I can just imagine the enrollees signing up because all their lives their teachers and bosses told them they had to be decisive and stop procrastinating. But, here’s a school that is charging tuition to help students master it. Every time I pass that sign I want to call the administrator to tell him to pull it down. But, it gives me jokes, so I don’t bother. Besides, they should know better.
Gone To Soon. Bahamians seem to have a thing for printing T-shirts when someone dies and apparently, they don’t believe in proofreading before going to print. Now, I will blame this error on the fact that the T-shirt designer may have been grieving and was not in his or her right state of mind. Either that or “soon” is a destination and that’s where the deceased went. I’ve also had the privilege of wearing a shirt that said, “Ress in peace, bro.” I couldn’t attend the funeral in good conscience without wearing the shirt. So, me and the “ress” of the people wore the shirts. I was smart, though. I hid behind the tall person so no one would see me.
Would Have. This is another one that Bahamians of a certain ilk seem to be in love with. I once sat through an entire presentation where a woman felt the need to utter this phrase repeatedly, incorrectly and with such authority. I won’t repeat her exact phrasing because that will identify her, but it was something like this:
“As you can see, we would have put this amount in your account and you would have taken out $500 and we would have made the adjustments to your statement.” The whole time she was talking, I wondered, well, why didn’t you? The phrase “would have” suggests that you didn’t do it. Like, “I would have gone to Miami, but I didn’t have the money.” So, please people, stop saying this. It sounds ridiculous and it is incredibly incorrect in this context.
I always travel with a pen, just in case I have an idea and need to write it down. But, my pen came in handy a few days ago while in a local clothing store.
While in the changing room I noticed a sign that said, “You are responsible for all damage to close.” I knew what I had to do. I quietly unzipped my purse, pulled out my pen and started making corrections to the sign. I guess I got too quiet because the salesgirl kept asking me if I were ok. I later snuck inside the other changing room and noticed that the other stall had the same sign. I corrected that one, too.
Expired. You’ve got to love police officers. One would think an officer would reference the word expired in the context of a person’s driver’s license or a registration. But, alas, nothing is ever that simple. Listen to the crime report, It’s the same script.
“At approximately 6:45 a.m. in the morning (by the way, this is redundant. If you use a.m. there’s no need for morning) police officers were called to West Bay Street after residents reported gunshots being fired. When we arrived on the scene, we met a male lying in a pool of blood. He expired at the scene.”
Expired conjures up thoughts of expired milk. It would have been simpler and perhaps a little more sensitive to the deceased person’s relatives to just say he died at the scene.
I hope no nobody was offended by this column. I wrote this to help you, not hurt you. If you still have questions or need further clarification please feel free to send me an email me so that I can be more pacific.