Don’t you just hate a hater?
Wait . . . if you hate a hater, does that make you a hater?
If so, then I’m a hater. I’ll explain.
I don’t typically go around calling myself a hater, because quite frankly, I don’t fit the description.
If we go by the Urban Dictionary definition, a hater is a “person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy, they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.”
Let me write that again. A hater cannot be happy for another person’s success.
Don’t you just hate that?
My question is . . . why the hell not? It’s easy to chalk it up to jealousy, and believe me, 65% of it is just that – jealousy. But that leaves (wait let, me be careful here, math was not my strong subject) 35% unaccounted for. Are haters unhappy with their lives? What is it about you that triggers a hater so much?
We often make the mistake of thinking that haters have nothing going for them – that they’re broke, uneducated or uninspiring. Nuh-uh. Quite the contrary. Oftentimes, they have all of the enviable trappings that life has to offer – money, access to incredible opportunities and they may even be respected by their peers. They may have much more than you could ever dream of. But, for some reason, there’s something about you – yeah you – that draws out their inner green-eyed monster.
Their bank accounts may outperform yours every time. But, they envy you for what you have, like people who genuinely love and care about you and actually want to be around you.
They may envy your looks or hate the fact that you’re talented. They may even hate the fact that you don’t care what they think about you – that their opinions of you don’t matter. Believe it or not, that will kill a narcissist. Particularly one who thinks you should live for their approval.
Several years ago, actress Gabrielle Union stunned Hollywood when she admitted to a room full of industry movers and shakers that she used to be a mean girl. During her acceptance speech for an Essence magazine award, Gabrielle confessed that she used to “revel in gossip and rumors” and “lived for the negativity inflicted upon my sister actresses or anyone who I felt, whose shine diminished by own. I took joy in people’s pain and I tap danced on their misery.”
Ya girl, Gabby say dat. Beautiful, talented, rich Gabrielle. The part that really struck a chord with me was when she noted that she loved to be negative towards those whose shine seemingly eclipsed hers. Perhaps that’s where that remaining 35% comes from. That very thing. Some people cannot bear to see others accomplish more than them. Perhaps they’re not where they want to be in life or they are performing a job they have no real passion for, so it eats them up to see someone actually loving what they do and being praised for it.
A hater has no boundaries. There are no limits that he or she will go to to make your life miserable whether you know it or not. Their ultimate goal is simple: they want to see you fail.
In private, they secretly wish the worst for you while offering fake congratulations in public. The faker the congratulations, the higher their voices go and the more the words trail. Congratulatioooooooons. Watch out.
A hater’s credo is you can do well, but not too well. You can earn some money, but not too much money, and definitely not more than them. You can have some recognition, but don’t get too popular.
Now, earlier I told you that I’m a hater. Well, I’m a hater of haters. I got this way after being on the receiving end of people’s jealousy.
For years, I dulled my shine, content to stay in the background and just do the work. It was only after being repeatedly nudged by my husband to showcase my talents more that I started bearing the brunt of people’s animosity.
People saw the rewards and later, awards. They didn’t see me working on my computer until 2:00 a.m. five nights a week or skipping parties and other celebrations because I had a deadline. They didn’t see me working for free for months until I started getting paid. People never see the journey, just the end results and then they hate. Some people tried to downplay my gifts and for a split second, I doubted myself. That is one of the worst feelings you could experience, which is why I would never hate on anyone.
It takes nothing away from you to be genuinely happy for someone else. Rather than hating on them, you can ask them how they got where they are or ask them for tips. I find that most people are happy to share their journey with you and give you some tips along the way.
As for the hater in me:
I hate for people to assume that what others have is not as a result of sacrifice, dedication and a lot of hard work.
I hate that people begrudge others for their blessings.
I hate to see people tear each other down.
I hate dogs in the manger.
I hate that people have to dull their shine to avoid attracting negativity.
I hate that people who are in a position to share their knowledge or expertise selfishly guard it because they don’t want you to gain an advantage.
I hate that a veteran could feel threatened by a novice.
I hate that people can’t generally be happy for one another.
I hate that a hater hates to hate but hates to get help.
If you remember nothing else today, remember this. If people are trying to bring you down, that means that you are above them.
p.s. Any math miscalculations are unintentional and The Punch is to blame for not doing the proper math before publishing.