Why Adult Children Are Going No Contact With Their Parents

Why are so many adult children going no contact with their parents?

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not Just Gen-Z that are divorcing their parents. Men and women in their 40s, 50s and even 60s are severing all ties with their parents.

Going no contact with a parent means ending any and all communication with them. It means not calling them to check on them, not texting them, not attending family functions and holiday events. It’s zero contact.

In the parent-child dynamic, the goal of going no contact is to allow that adult child to get away from a toxic parent – one who may be emotionally, mentally or physically abusive or neglectful.

This allows the adult child the opportunity to emotionally recharge and reset, rebuild their self-esteem, which most times has been utterly destroyed by the toxic parent, and to develop healthier bonds with other people.

Another goal of going no contact is to help the affected individual prioritise their own well-being.

Going No Contact Is Not An Easy Decision

The decision to sever contact with one’s parents is not an easy decision or one that they take lightly.

In fact, most adult children will tell you that they took a very long time to make this choice, but felt they had to for their own emotional well-being.

Some adults will tell you that most of their lives were marked by emotional neglect, manipulation, or verbal abuse at the hands of one or both of their parents.

Others say they spent their childhood trying to gain affection or validation, only to be met with indifference or cruelty.

Not only did these experiences create long-lasting scars, but they also left the adult children feeling trapped and powerless.

Trying To Escape Unhealthy Boundaries

One of the biggest reasons adult children decide to go no contact is because their parents fail to respect their boundaries, believing that they know what’s best for them.

The parent might impose their opinions on their adult children, make decisions for them, or guilt-trip them into doing things they don’t want to do.

Over time, this constant overstepping can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment.

One of the things I often hear from individuals who had to separate from their parents, is that when they were children, they were often used as the scapegoat for family problems.

In the scapegoat scenario, the abusive parent will direct all of their anger or frustration at one child. If there are other children in the family, they may never experience what the scapegoat experiences, because the parent’s anger is seldom directed at them.

But, should that scapegoat several all contact, the other family members may experience that parent’s wrath or manipulation.

Another factor is the overwhelming burden of parental expectations.

Some parents hold unrealistic or outdated beliefs about what their adult children should achieve or how they should live their lives.

The pressure to conform to these expectations can be exhausting, leading to the adult child feeling inadequate and frustrated.

What To Do After Going No Contact

Many adult children have no idea how to navigate the world after going no contact with their parents. Some even struggle to love themselves or truly believe people love them.

Unfortunately, I have several friends who were scarred by their parents and when I struggled to grasp the fullness of their trauma, one of them urged me to buy the book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson.

That book has been a resource for many people who have dealt with narcissistic parents, and, as the book says, emotionally immature parents.

It’s designed to help people heal from distant, rejecting or self-involved parents. I enjoyed it thoroughly and highly recommend people buy it.

It was only after reading the book that I realised that I have gone no contact with former friends and some relatives.

Create A Surrogate Family To Aid In Healing

Cutting off a parent can be traumatsing for the adult child, which is why it’s important for them to develop friendships or strengthen friendships with the people already in their lives.

They can create a surrogate family of friends who will offer the support, love and nurturing they didn’t get from their own families.

The decision to go no contact with parents is deeply personal, and no two stories are the same.

But for those who choose it, it’s a difficult but necessary step toward healing, freedom, and reclaiming their own sense of self.

In the end, family is not defined by blood alone, but by the support, love, and respect that exists within the relationship.

Posted By: Rogan · In: Life