I hate to admit it, but lately I’ve been feeling behind in life.
I’m getting older, my friends are either starting or growing their families (translation: having babies), and all the people I know are either building their homes, travelling the world with their spouses or in the middle of terrific, meaningful careers.
Meantime, I’m over here in Washington, DC restarting my life and career in a new country, living alone with no family or friends and wondering what’s next.
I don’t feel sorry for myself, but the future does frighten me and I often find myself wondering what the next chapter of my life will look like.
I find that I get incredibly introspective at three points in my life – around my birthday, at the close of the year and the start of the new one. I start to question what I’m doing with my life, what I was put here for and what my impact will be.
While I don’t like comparing my life to others, I think it’s inevitable, not to mention natural to stack ourselves up to our peers. It also doesn’t help that people have a tendency to show off the highlight reel of their lives and we foolishly compare our failures to that.
Why I decided to bare my soul on camera
Earlier this week, I travelled to Virginia to record my YouTube video, which addresses this very topic: feeling behind in life. But, this wasn’t any ordinary video. I felt led by God to make this video. To understand why this is so monumental for me, you’d have to know me.
I’m incredibly private. So, the thought of baring my soul on camera for the world to scrutinise is not my idea of a good time. It’s downright scary.
But, I’ve learned to be obedient when God leads me to do something because it could benefit someone else.
Beyond God leading me to do this video, I felt prompted to share my story after watching some of my favourite digital creatives, Necole Kane, Patrice Washington, and Jaelan of Face Over Matter share stories of difficult moments in their lives and how they overcame them.
If you read my blog regularly, you’ve heard me mention both Necole and Patrice before. Both of those women have been huge inspirations to me and helped me through some dark times. If you don’t know them, you should get to know them.
Meantime, Jaelan, a beauty vlogger, integrates God into her content regularly and it just speaks to my soul. While watching these women on separate occasions I began feeling grateful that they were being so honest and transparent and I took note of how their words had helped me.
Just as I had that thought, I started to feel guilty because I knew there were people out there who are going through what I’m going through and want to know that they’re not alone. So, I decided to stop being selfish and share my story.
My career is a huge source of concern
One of the main reasons I feel so anxious about the future and feel behind in life is because career-wise, I’m not where I want to be. The bulk of my career has been in media, journalism and public relations. In fact, I won awards for my writing and professional work. And while I’m proud of the work I did, I wasn’t fulfilled.
I did well in those careers because I was really good at them. They fed me, but, they didn’t fuel me.
One thing that I do know about myself is that I’ve always been drawn to entertainment. I think that’s why I enjoy creating content for my YouTube channel so much.
I love storytelling. I love editing. I love video recording. I love figuring out unique angles to shoot footage and love scouting locations. I love acting in my comedy skits on my channel. The problem is, those things don’t provide a good living at this stage. But, who knows what the future holds.
I know so many people who suffer through jobs they absolutely hate just for a cheque. It’s a sad way to live. But, I understand it.
How do we get over feeling behind in life?
Before writing any blog post, I try to think about the takeaways.
I always try to leave my readers with words of encouragement. Sadly, when I started writing, I couldn’t think of anything, mostly because right now, I’m in the eye of the storm and my life feels a bit uncertain.
But, what I do know is that while I may not be where I want to be in life, I’m not in a bad place.
I’m alive, I’m healthy, I have family who loves me, I have steady income, I live in a terrific apartment, and most importantly, I know that there is someone out there who has it much worse than I do.
Every day, I pass a homeless man who lives on a bridge near my home. I see him fishing in the water and smiling.
He is in one of the worst situations I could think of – no proper shelter, exposed to the harsh elements, no soft place to lay his body at night and always on guard that someone could hurt him.
But, every day he is out there, fishing and smiling.
And while I’m not trying to diminish my feelings, seeing him makes me grateful for what I do have. I may be feeling behind in life now. But, my life is not over, and tomorrow’s another day. I encourage you to continue to push through and be grateful for what you do have.
I’m not a wishful thinker. I love to plan for the next step, so if you feel behind in life, start to chart your course and figure out what it is that you really want your life to become and work towards it.
Finally, if there’s one thing that I know, it’s that God has the power to turn our lives around just like that. I know He will.
Someone once told me, “you ain’t past nothing ’til you’re dead.” I couldn’t agree more.
This Bahamian Gyal