It’s time for wives to start blaming the one person who is ultimately responsible for destroying their marriages – their husbands.
I often get into heated debates with friends and colleagues when we talk about married men who cheat on their wives.
No matter who I talk to, it’s all the same: “The woman is a hoe”, “She’s a homewrecker”, “She’s a slut”, “She broke up that good home.” Notice the recurring theme – a bashing session against the woman. No blame is put on the man.
One colleague of mine once told me that she doesn’t ever blame the man because “men are weak and easily seduced.” I couldn’t believe I was hearing this . . . from a woman.
I’m not saying that the other woman didn’t play a role. She did. She’s wrong for that. But, when it comes to hurting a marriage, it is the man that ultimately deserves the majority of the blame.
The husband is the one who took marital vows, not the other woman.
I have seen women remain by their husbands’ side through repeated infidelities. Each time, they blamed the women for destroying their homes. They seldom looked at their partner and put the blame where it ought to be.
No woman can make a man do what he doesn’t want to do. Ever. If he cheated with his colleague, it’s because he wanted to. If he had sex with his secretary, it’s because he wanted her. A strong-minded man who is madly in love with his wife, may be tempted to cheat, but will not go through with it because he doesn’t want to risk hurting his wife or family, no matter how sexy or exciting the other woman is.
Passing The Buck
I’ve spoken to many of my male friends, some of whom are married and others who are dating. Are you ready for this? Some of them blame their wives for their cheating ways?
One of my friends, *Mark once told me that he was no longer attracted to his wife because she had gotten fat and let herself go. So, in his words, he “had to cheat.”
Another, *John, explained that while he loved his wife, he was never in love with her. He said she was a good friend and a wonderful mother to their children, but the sexual attraction was never there. So, when he met someone who was his ideal woman, he went for it.
Neither of these men had any regrets about cheating and admit they still cheat to this day.
However, there was one friend who did express regret. One day, out of frustration, he broke down and confessed that his wife had zero sex drive after they got married. He said she was unwilling to seek counselling and didn’t care to fulfil his needs, so he decided to cheat throughout their entire marriage. He was the only male friend who told me he didn’t want to cheat, but did so out of necessity.
These are some of the scenarios that men say they find themselves in. In each scenario, they decided to cheat. Yet, rather than society focusing on these issues, it becomes easier to make the other woman the target.
I am not giving philanderers a pass. Cheating is wrong. I just hope that when blame is being distributed, it is distributed among all parties concerned.
*Names have been changed to protect my friends’ identities.
